I'm sad she's gone, but I'm glad she's not in pain. She suffered for years with Crohn's Disease. It was hard to watch her go through flare-ups. That being said, this year I'm more angry than sad and that makes me feel guilty.
I am so mad at her for leaving me here to deal with my father, my holier-than-thou brothers, and my disrespectful, spiteful son. I've had 5 children since she died. I've gotten married twice and divorced once. While I know she was here in spirit, she wasn't physically here and that hurts... BAD!!!!
I wish she were here. I know that I've done things she wouldn't be proud of, but unlike the rest of my family (my father, brothers, and son), she would still love me and be here for me. She wouldn't have turned her back on me and she would not have tolerated the way everyone has behaved, including me. She would have said what she had to say and moved on. Her love wasn't conditonal. She didn't control my life or even try to.
Things would be so much better if she were still alive. I miss her and love her. RIP Mom!
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| Anita Marlene McNutt Ragan March 31, 1960--January 18, 2000 |
Crystal, This blog had me in tears. I am so sorry that you feel hurt that she not here with you. There is nothing anyone can say to make up for those feelings. One day you will see her again. I hope this made you feel better. I know you and I have gone through some rough patches, but if you ever need someone to talk to, to cry to I am here for you. Just message me and I will give you my number.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. She meant so much to me. Hugs.
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